Self-Care for Autism Parents & Caregivers

We’ve all heard the age-old adage: “You can’t pour water from an empty cup”. However, when you are a parent or caregiver with a child on the autism spectrum, this statement just doesn’t seem to ring true. You seem to be able to pull from a deep reservoir that is connected to said cup. This phrase is typically used to remind us that our ability to help people is directly related to our functioning level (e.g., physical, mental, and emotional). While this may be true, as a parent/caregiver with a child on the spectrum, the added responsibilities can be overwhelming and “me-time” as elusive as an urban legend.

Here are a few ideas you can use to help replenish your “reservoir”, so that you can continue to access it as you help your children navigate through life. First and foremost, go easy on yourself. You are trying your best and, ultimately, that is all anyone can ever do. Next, make time for yourself. This can be done by scheduling a break, being mindful of your exercise and diet, and practicing daily meditation. Admittedly, it is hard to find impromptu time in the middle of the day to “take a break”; scheduling a daily 5 – 10 - minute break is helpful in making sure that you actually take that time. The goal is to reframe our paradigm of “self-care” as being a necessary aspect of our lives that requires a regular appointment just like visiting a doctor annually or taking a daily vitamin.

Exercise is an excellent method of improving one’s temperament and a great way to utilize your scheduled time. It can be as simple as stretching for 5 minutes or taking a brisk walk around the block. Bodily care also includes choosing a healthy, varied diet. It is easy to get lost in the fast food cycle of picking up the kids and picking up some food, but as much as possible, it is beneficial to be aware of your food choices. For example, if you want a crunchy snack, you can pre-plan and pack a snack bag of carrots instead of a bag of chips. Thoughtful advanced planning for meals and snacks might take a little effort upfront but pays off when time is short!

Finally, your scheduled moment can be used to practice mindfulness and self-calming techniques. As mentioned before, parents with children on the autism spectrum have added worries and responsibilities that may be frustrating, confusing, and overwhelming at times. Practicing meditation, or deep intentional breathing, or even hand clasping, can ensure access to these skills when faced with stressful situations, e.g., being compelled to advocate for our child, or following through with a Behavior Plan. Being a parent with a child with ASD is rewarding and challenging, so we want to remember that our children need us to be healthy and happy and whole.

OdoFemi McDuffie, M.A., BCBA
Associate Clinical Director, Nashville
Tuesday, March 10, 2020